Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
