I have demons in me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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