I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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