do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
