Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
