3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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