Screwed.edu
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
