Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
