don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
