its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
