i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
