you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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