If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize