I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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