I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize