he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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