Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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