when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
