So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
