i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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