What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize