how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
