My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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