So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
