this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
