Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
