I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
