Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
