My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
