did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
