I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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