I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
