yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
