I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize