Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
