Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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