Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
