you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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