Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
