I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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