when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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