none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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