so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize