just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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