This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You are a booty call, not a friend.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
