At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
