Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
