I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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