margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
