I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize