My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
