What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Say something about gay babies.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
