we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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