this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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