He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
