i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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