Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my shit smells like andre
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
