her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
