white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
