I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
operation harelip BJ is a go
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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