So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
