So drunk its hurt
...so i touched it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How's work?
Spinning.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
