Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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