Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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