we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
