Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
