And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
